Just thinking about getting up on stage is enough to trigger a fear response. It can make your heart race, your hands shake and your mind blank as your body prepares to deal with the perceived threat to your wellbeing and safety. Public Speaking is right up there with the list of things that people fear. And while not everyone needs to speak in public, many of us are afraid of something in a way that has an impact on our life. So how can you get over fear and achieve success?
Having another stroke is up at the top of my list of fears. For me, there aren’t many fears which are even a close second to the thought of the impact another stroke would have on the people I love. I wouldn’t have expected that the 20+ years I have spent teaching music performance and researching music performance skill development would help when facing what is essentially a fear of death or incapacity. But it turns out that many of the strategies you practice when you work to overcome immediate fears (like performing) are transferable to the future existential fears as well.
So how do you achieve success and live a life you love in the face of very real fear?
Let’s have a look at a good place to start, and three questions you can ask yourself as you aim to get over fear.
A good place to start
It helps to start by identifying what it is that you’re afraid of and what the fear is stopping you from achieving.
If you fear something enough to type it into a search bar to look for a solution, it is most likely a fear that prevents you from achieving something in life. Identifying and naming the fear is a powerful place to start. Understanding your current situation is the initial step in giving yourself agency over your solution.
Fear can be a significant barrier to success because of the growth that is prevented when time, resources and attention are spent avoiding a fear.
Fear can stop you from doing the things you would do if you weren’t afraid, like driving, flying, performing on stage, getting a blood test or approaching a person you like.
Your possibilities and potential are significantly limited if the thing you are afraid of stops you from attempting something that you want or need to do or try.
Fear can make you live small as you avoid situations that you’re afraid of like confrontation, childbirth or the possibility of judgement and failure. Avoiding the chance of experiencing the thing you fear impacts your decision making, your planning and the execution of your ideas and dreams.
Fear can rob you of your joy as you anticipate possible future events that you can’t control. It’s hard to be happy in the present when living in the shadow of the fear of a possible future event like losing a person you love, losing your intelligence or physical skills, or never finding love and always being alone.
These fears are all very real and they all have a very real impact.
So how do you get over fear that is impacting your life and stopping you from achieving success?
Here are three questions that are worth asking when you identify that fear is preventing you from doing something you want or need to do.
What is on the other side of the fear?
“Everything you’ve ever wanted is on the other side of fear.”
George Addair
If a fear is impacting you enough that you want to get over it, then there is most likely something at the other side of the fear that you want or need to do, or perhaps something that you’re curious about.
If something your fear is stopping you from achieving, have a think about what that is that you fear.
If a fear is stopping you from experiencing something in the present moment (like happiness or peace), have a think about that too.
The fear of performing can stop a musician from sharing their music with an audience. This is the fear of what might happen as they perform and the fear of what people might think or say, which is a similar fear to the fear people have of public speaking.
On the other side of the fear is an experience where a person who loves playing music gets the joy of sharing their music and their skill with others, and a world where their audience gets to share the experience of listening to the music they play.
There is a whole world of possibility at the other side of the fear of performing, just like there is on the other side of so many fears.
It took a long time to visualise what my world would look like if I don’t have another stroke. Everything I have ever wanted is on the other side of that fear.
Visualising success is powerful, which is why performers and sports people imagine the outcome of successful performance. If something you really want is on the other side of your fear, visualising what you want clearly in your mind is powerful motivation.
Identify your fear, identify what your fear is stopping you from achieving, and identify what success would look like if your fear didn’t stop you from achieving it.
If you’ve identified what’s on the other side of the fear, take a look at the second question.
What’s the worst thing that could happen?
I’m not going to lie. Some of the things worthy of being afraid of have potentially seriously adverse outcomes. Seeking professional support to help manage these fears and thrive and succeed alongside them is worth considering as an option. Just like the character Fear in the Disney Pixar movie Inside Out, our fear response is designed to keep us safe, and there are real dangers that people should be kept safe from. Having said this, many fears are lower down on the danger scale and don’t fall into the category of the lion of yore.
For these fears it can be useful to identify the worst thing that could happen if your fear was realised. What is the worst outcome if you change jobs, start a business, train for the marathon, join the new swimming group, meet a new group of people, or speak in front of the audience?
Identifying what could go wrong isn’t a strategy designed to force you to dwell on negative outcomes. It’s a strategy to accurately assess the potential risks and your options in light of those risks. Knowing the worst thing that could happen allows you to make a plan that takes that possible outcome into account and potentially to minimise it. Accurately assessing your options allows an informed decision about whether or not it’s worth pushing past the fear to get to what’s on the other side of it.
If you could identify what success would look like when you answered question one, and you can identify the worst possible outcome when you answered question two, you’re able to do a genuine cost benefit analysis of what it will take you to push through to the other side of the fear, knowing how hard it will be and with full knowledge of the worst thing that could happen.
If the risks of potentially negative outcomes are something you can live with, it’s time to move on to question three.
What would I do if I wasn’t afraid?
“Where you go from here is entirely up to you.”
Unknown
Knowing what you would do if you weren’t afraid doesn’t necessarily mean you should go and do it. Some of the things we would do if we weren’t afraid aren’t safe or sensible. Sometimes the potential upsides don’t outweigh the risks. The answers to the questions above might have shown you that your fear is valid and genuine and it’s keeping you physically, mentally or financially safe. Asking this question isn’t a way to give yourself permission to do something dangerous or unwise.
Fear is real, but so much of what is worth achieving in life is on the other side of something we are afraid of.
The business you dream of is on the other side of the fear of leaving your job.
Becoming an Ironman is on the other side of the fear of enduring the gruelling qualification, training and race.
Being a performer is on the other side of mastering the fear of performance.
Living a long and full life is on the other side of the fear of having another stroke.
As you aim to get over fear to achieve success, knowing the upside, understanding the potential downside and making a plan that takes these into account is crucial. It’s this plan that allows you to be fully informed. Along with visualising success and identifying the risks, ask yourself what you would do if the fear didn’t exist. What would you do?
Doing so lights the pathway to get over fear and achieve success.
You can do this.
